1. My 1986 Pet Shop Boy
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My 1986 Pet Shop Boy

I was listening to "10 at 10",
A daily music retrospective.
This time the year was 1986.
A Pet Shop Boys song came on
And I got all watery in the eyes
Remembering you.
From the first
When I was with you,
I felt a little extra comfortable
And able to be myself.
I was surprised
That I could calmly
Suggest we get together
Explore, and see what developed.
Asking you out on a date
While not freaking out inside
Was a milestone for me.
I remember hanging out at your place
Before you were out to your roomates.
How patient I had to be
Avoiding display
Of affection for you
In front of them.
Eventually we got more overt.
We did it in the middle of the floor
In the appartment of our host
At a gay collegiate conference.
I have fond memories
Of that night.
I remember the great massages
And other things we shared.
You turned me on to The Pet Shop Boys,
The Wooden Tops, The Housemartins,
And many others.
They all remind me of you.
You reminded me of Neil Tennant.
You're both sensitive,
down to earth,
and cute.
I regret that we never clicked as boyfriends.
"Why not?" long ago I asked.
"I think you know," you answered.
I never did.
I remember calling you
Several times from weddings.
Quite tipsy I was.
Feeling sad I'd not found
More for myself
Than what we'd had in the past.
But our courses
Continue to diverge.
I've quit receiving changes of address
Or phone number updates from you.
I think your email has finally changed.
You were always one
Who had no trouble letting go of people.
I'm not that way.
I expect I'll always want
To keep in touch with you.
You were very special
To me long ago.
Neither of us can be sure
If my desire to keep in touch
Comes from what I can give to you,
Or from a desire to live out
What I thought in the past
We could have together.
But I'm a poet
And a romantic.
And nowadays yours is one of many
Stories I tell of special people.
I look forward to communion
With new special people
In the future
Even while I look backward with nostalgia
On the togetherness of our past.

14 October 2000
revised 25 December 2001

by Bill Cattey