PhasesFulfillment again has escaped me.I've reached a blind alley -- go back Start again. Imagine pure thought. A single concept expands And fills my whole head. An intuitive jump and I'm off Exploring possible consequences Until my mind becomes blocked By too many insoluble unknowns. Fulfillment again has escaped me. I've reached a blind alley -- go back Start again. I spout a string of silly sayings; Connections to random clauses. I juxtapose the unrelated. Together they almost have meaning. The are around me fills with silly. Then it becomes stale and empty. I begin to suffocate myself. Fulfillment again has escaped me. I've reached a blind alley -- go back Start again. I reach out side of myself Into a machine I can almost feel it -- When it works, when it breaks. Deeper and deeper, farther in I go Until I lose myself And I become the machine. Fulfillment again has escaped me. I've reached a blind alley -- go back Start again. A problem to solve; The first part is slow and hard. Gradually I pick up speed. Suddenly I'm halfway through. The end of the work is in sight. But something inside goes askew. The last few steps are an all-consuming fight. Fulfillment again has escaped me. I've reached a blind alley -- go back Start again. I open myself to someone Who slowly, reluctantly, opens up to me. A part of me I never saw before Is reflected in the other person. We share like two halves of a whole. But the other person must leave. I am cut off and all alone. Fulfillment again has escaped me. I've reached a blind alley -- go back Start again. |
| 5 March 1979 | |
| by Bill Cattey |