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Helping Hand

It's been a year now
Since you came into my life,
Held me close,
And then moved on.
"Press your luck", you said.
I did,
And I never regretted a bit of it.
While joined with you
I could be myself.
I kept no secrets from you.
You saw my explosive joy,
And my deep and subtle depression.
While joined with you
I could look at myself
And begin to get over
My secret fears
And mountains of self-doubt.
It's been a year now.
And I still think about you
All the time.
I'm probably obsessed.
But bit by bit.
I remember the helping hand
You gave me.
Gradually I am learning
How to steady myself without it.
You gave me support
Of a kind
That nobody else,
Not even I,
Ever had.
Without your helping hand
I am often blindsided
By habits of self-doubt.
So I'm using my obsession
And my idealized sense of you
In the service of building
Some long lost self-esteem.
Helping hand...

24 August 2000

by Bill Cattey