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Habits

I fear getting stuck in a rut.
So much so that I avoid
Getting good at things I might not enjoy.
 
I have a near phobia
Of doing the same thing twice.
 
Unless that thing
Crossed over into my obsession.
I'm not sure how it got there
But now I own it
And can't let go.
 
I guess it was a choice
But it doesn't feel like a choice.
 
I gotta break out of this cycle
Of decisions based on avoidance
And failure to disown.
 
The way out?
 
Shift from habit defined as synonymous with
        Default -- A pre-made choice
Which might play out as the other meaning:
        Default -- Failure to meet an obligation.
 
Redefine habit as synonymous with
        Tool -- An action adopted to make the work of life easier.
 
Maybe then the unpleasant will take a smaller slice of life.
 
With habit as tool
Save the energy formerly spent:
        Running away.
 Agonizing over decisions.
 Hating the disruption of a surprise.
Spend it on
And pruning away obligations heretofor found
By default.
In default.
 
Start with the first new habit:
A tool not a default.



6 July 2014 (unfinished)

by Bill Cattey