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Another Point of Departure

Last year he moved away.
Not too far away.
It was a good move for him
And his boyfriend.
He started a new life
And he kind of needed one.
It hurt to have him change
From being right nearby
To requiring special plans to visit.
But I found it pretty easy
To avoid being selfish
And to be supportive.
After he moved
We did make special plans.
We did get together
And we made a musical collaboration.
I don't think it would
Ever have happened
If he had not moved away.
He has his new life.
It fits him well and
He's growing in new directions.
But now he's making another change.
He's packed up his life as a musician.
This time around I lack perspective.
Why is this
A good thing for him?
It's difficult this time
To be unselfish
And support this change.
It hurts to contemplate
What my musical life will be
Without him there to help.
I fear I won't be able to do it
By myself.
Right now I'm feeling
Selfish and sorry for myself;
Mourning the departure of a collaborator;
My musical fantasies unfulfilled.
But he's my friend, not my crutch.
So I will find a way
To transform
This feeling of being abandoned
To an inspiration
To make music on my own.
I've got to try and trust the future,
And my friend,
And myself.

26 October 2002

by Bill Cattey