The Top Ten Things
Twinkies Cannot be Trusted With

10. Bill's heart.

9. Bill's car keys.

8. Multisyllabic words and complete sentences.

7. Bleach.

6. Cab fare.

6. Numbers.

5. Ho-ho's.

4. National security.

3. Mark and Jay.

2. A video camera, a rubber hose, and a duck.

1. Closet doors.