That Demon Desperation

I've been so desperately lonely
For oh so long.
But tonight I feel fine.

You helped me break out
Of my introspective habits.
You got me out of myself
And feeling content and complete.

There was a time
When I feared you'd disappear.
We'd meet up and I touch you
Just to prove to myself
You really were still there.

I'd made up my mind
That I'd commit to you,
But you felt
You couldn't commit to me.
I'm not sure I've yet
Fully accepted that.

I brought my desire
For a relationship with you
To the brink of obsession.
You were kind
As I worked at backing away.

As I've gotten to know you better
I've learned about those
Who have used you
To keep themselves alive.

We both know me well enough
To see that my desperate loneliness
Might make me use you too.

For the moment, I'm not feeling lonely.
I feel like I could be with you
Without using you.

That I could wait
For a relationship with someone else.

Just keep reminding me
Not to panic;
That I am worthy;
That I have friends;
That I am loved.

And I'll keep that demon desperation at bay.
I'll find someone
While he finds me.


	3 November 2000 revised 31 July 2002
	by Bill Cattey